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“Nice little Union you got there”

May 4, 2009

Of all the weird, silly, and offensive things to come out of last month’s “tea parties” this Texan secession item has to be my favorite.  In case you missed it, the great state of Texas’s illustrious Governor Rick Perry said the following:

QUESTION: What do you think about the idea of secession or sovereignty for your state?
GOVERNOR PERRY: Oh, I think there’s a lot of different scenarios.
We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we’re a pretty independent lot to boot.

It has since caused a media storm about the viability of secession, but also the irony.  I will start with the irony, and save the best for last.

Mother Jones crunched some numbers and came to the conclusion that Texas receives the most federal disaster relief out of any state in the union, despite the fact that Texans don’t want to have to pay such high taxes.  I am sure one hurricane season without federal aid might get them singing another tune… but I am being an unrealistic optimist here.

My favorite item though (sweet viability), is from the New Yorker.  Hertzberg spells out the future of Texas, and any other (most likely Southern) states wishing to join:

The Federated States, meanwhile, could get on with the business of protecting the sanctity of marriage, mandating organized prayer sessions and the teaching of creationism in schools, and giving the theory that eliminating taxes increases government revenues a fair test. Although Texas and the other likely F.S. states already conduct some eighty-six per cent of executions, their death rows remain clogged with thousands of prisoners kept alive by meddling judges. These would be rapidly cleared out, providing more prison space for abortion providers.

Meanwhile us Union folk get “A more intimately sized Congress would briskly enact sensible gun control, universal health insurance, and ample support for the arts, the humanities, and the sciences.” Not a bad trade if you ask me…

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